When it comes to your wedding: What’s the point of a gift list?

We’ve are following Penelope Goldstream ‘s wedding plans by reading extracts from her wedding diary here she asks:

You think you’re finally doing what people want but they have their own agenda!

It’s been fairly quiet on the wedding front over the past few months largely due to my precise forward planning but things are starting to pick up now and decisions need to be confirmed – only 155 days until the big day!  The invites have been distributed and greatly complemented by many guests – thank you.  As standard I have included a gift list with each invite – not that we expect gifts but we are aware that guests like to wish the happy couple well and show a token of appreciation for being invited to the occasion.

For as long as I can remember I’ve asked for money gifts for birthdays and special occasions, only to be told that money is impersonal and gifts are better suited.  ‘I don’t want to give you money, I want to buy you something’  are the words that fill my ears from my Mother every year so imagine my frustration when I acted on this advice only to be told that money is now the gift of choice for a wedding!

I spent multiple hours devising my gift list, mostly during work time so really I should thank my employers for all the spare time they created for me in the evenings.  I’ve registered with Next Home so it’s not expensive and the gifts are ideal for the impending build of our new home (we’re due to move 6 weeks before our wedding – mad or what?).

The strange thing about my gift list is 40% of my confirmed guests have informed me they’re not purchasing anything from the list whatsoever as they’d prefer to give us money.  Seriously, what is the point in this?  I’ve given you an easy option, click on the next website, purchase a gift in your price range and it’s sorted – you don’t even have to view the item first but you are safe in the knowledge that I’ll love it!

These guests have even informed me they haven’t bothered looking at my ‘incredibly important, taken me three weeks of solid hard work – whilst at work’ list.  Is this rude? Should I be offended by these actions? Or am I simply taking things out of proportion?

Please don’t misunderstand me when I rant about this, I’m not in any way being ungrateful; a gift is a gift and is always well received whatever form it comes in.  For me, I would like to know that somebody has spent time choosing a gift from my ‘well prepared’ list rather than just bunging £20 in an envelope.  We want reminders of our big day all over our new house and a cushion here and a photo frame there will do just that perfectly.

Wedding politics are certainly rearing their ugly head now.  I can’t wait to hear the guest views on my choice of chicken pie as my main course meal!

A stamp too far: When does possession become an obsession?

Is insanity taking hold of  Penelope Goldstream as she stamps her way to married bliss?

I like to think that I’m naturally a very creative and resourceful person.  At school I excelled in Art & Design and I progressed with my talents through College, creating many masterpieces which are still displayed to this day; assuming that my Mum’s kitchen counts as a public place!

It is my creative side that encouraged me to be as active and involved with the decorative side of the wedding plans as possible.  I truly want my wedding to have a personal stamp to it.

When I first got engaged my head was bombarded with ideas of colour schemes and decorations but I’d be so excited that the next day I’d forgotten what I wanted or I kept changing my mind.  It was at this point that I decided to create a wedding scrapbook, filling it with colours and ideas to get more of a precise picture as to what I was looking to achieve.

I forced myself to create a suitable but personal colour scheme and stick to it otherwise my wedding really would end up looking like something from Pat Sharpe’s Fun House – I loved that show.  I did actually contemplate a game show element to the evening do’ but my ‘boring’ future H2B kindly reminded me that not everybody appreciates games as I do therefore it might not be the best idea. Needless to say that idea was soon quashed before it had time to evolve into the serious planning stages.

I have become somewhat of an obsessed bride-to-be (B2B) over the last few months, insisting that I do ‘everything’ myself and as cheaply as possible as I’m fully aware that the costs can mount up incredibly quickly.  In my mind receiving any help from anybody else would simply be an outrage and failure to my creative friend inside of me.

I want to design and create the invitations, the place names, the centerpieces, the favours, the table art and the extra special surprise planned for the evening reception.  N.B – as readers you do understand that I can’t tell you about the extra special evening surprise as my guests could well be reading this too and then the surprise won’t be a surprise! (Mum, you already know about it so don’t panic that I’m keeping things from you)

After many many hours trawling eBay for cheap and chic supplies, I have begun my creative adventures.  Night after night spending hours cutting, pasting, gluing and sticking paper, fabrics and ink stamping personalised name place tags and creating special additions wherever possible.  I came across this fantastic idea to ink stamp personalised napkins, bottle tags and name places so I bought myself an a-z individual rubber letter stamp set at a mere £4.99 from eBay, which included 3 free ink pads – bonus!

Since receiving these rubber stamps my evenings and weekends have been fun filled extravaganzas.  In my artistic brainwave I thought it would be nice to stamp mine and my husband’s full names plus the wedding date on all of our wedding stationary.  It was a fun task at first but after stamping each individual letter for the 198th time (and I’m not exaggerating), gaining blisters, turning my living room into a bomb site and staining the cream carpet with lime green paint, I quickly changed my mind.  With well over 568 individual letters left to stamp, it became apparent that I’ve been a bit of a fool.  What I should’ve done was purchase a single stamp made to order with our names ready printed.  I would then only have to stamp each stationary item once rather than 29 times – genius or what!

It is worth remembering that there are people selling their services and gadgets for a reason.  It doesn’t make me less creative if I purchase things but it does allow me extra time to enjoy other things going on in life.  It took me 3 full evenings to name stamp just 60 pieces of paper.  At this rate it would have taken 18 months to achieve what I wanted.  I am pleased to report that I have since taken my own advice and purchased a made to order rubber stamp.  I have now stamped everything in my house (literally) in a fraction of the time it was taking me with the individual stamps.

So, for anybody interested I have a complete a-z stamp set going to a good home?

More wedding news: Inevitable disappointment?

You may have problems: If you are jobless, your woman, your man, your feral kids, war, diseases and pestilence are all causing you grief – well, take it from Penelope Goldstream, who is still planning her wedding, it can all get a whole lot worse!

Does it ever pay to put all your eggs in one basket?  Are you setting yourself up for disappointment or a blessing in disguise?

Does a verbal agreement not mean anything to anybody now or am I simply too naive to take somebody’s word alone as a promise to do something?  You may have read a previous diary chapter of mine entitled ‘Looking without looking’; if not then I’ll give you a quick update.

Last year I went on holiday to Ibiza and happened to stumble across a great male solo singer and guitarist.  I approached him, asked him to be my wedding singer and we exchanged contact details to discuss further.  I gave him all the necessary details, asked his price and he merrily said he would love to do it.  In my mind that was a done deal and I didn’t look any further for any wedding entertainment.

A few months had passed when out of the blue I received an e-mail from him.  Admittedly it was an e-mail the length of a short story, so he must have cared a little bit?  He said that he was looking for a career change and he may be moving location.  Frankly at this point I didn’t care about his career change.  The bottom line was that he could not confirm the wedding date.  His exact wording was ‘If you can wait until August then I’d be able to confirm for sure’.

For a few minutes this was the end of the world for me.  Seriously, does this man think I will leave something as important as wedding entertainment to only 4 months before the wedding – certainly not in my world! At that stage it was only 10 months until the wedding and I’m without my wedding entertainment.  The term bridezilla springs to mind.

I had to go back to the very beginning, laboriously searching for entertainment options, ordering demos and desperately trying to find somebody who fits the strict criteria.  Weeks passed and I still had nothing apart from 23 useless demo tapes stacked in my kitchen which in today’s world wouldn’t pass basic GCSE music.  How some people think they should be paid for singing is beyond me.

After contemplating knocking the wedding evening on the head altogether due to the lack of suitable artists, I finally came across a young man who goes by the name of ‘the wedding singer’.  He was perfect.  I spoke to him on the phone and as he could actually hold a conversation rather than just grunting, he was well on the way to being hired.  He sings live songs, provides disco entertainment and doesn’t even charge any extra for the cheesy disco lighting!  Thank goodness for the internet because without it my wedding would be nonexistent.

It’s been 6 months since first finding the singer in Ibiza to where I’m at now with the wedding singer and I can’t help thinking that I could have dodged all of this unnecessary strife.  I’m an intelligent person and I should have realised that a guy living in Scotland who bases his career on singing in a bar in Ibiza over the summer months is hardly likely to be wedding singing material.  I can’t help coming back to the age old saying ‘if something is too good to be true, it probably is’.  I’m not saying that you can’t stumble across situations like this because I’m sure it has happened in the past and worked out perfectly.

I’m confident I have a great wedding singer and I have a written agreement from him so I shouldn’t find myself in the same situation in 6 months time!   My future note to self is don’t put all your eggs in one basket because there could be something much better out there; it’s simply a case of looking in the right places.

Lunchtime at Tiffany’s

Penelope Goldstream battles with Snow, sparkle and tax dodging on Fifth Avenue in New York City

I think most women would understand the significance of purchasing a wedding ring but not just any ring – a wedding ring from Tiffany & Co and quite recently, I did just that.

It is platinum and diamond encrusted band direct from the famous flagship store in downtown New York, USA. The setting could not have been more perfect, with sub zero temperatures, blizzard snow conditions and only a few days before Christmas. H2B and I planned these few days in the Big Apple, aiming to see the sights and spend some quality time together.  I secretly wanted to pop into Tiffany’s for a sneaky peek at wedding rings but never actually expected to walk out of the Fifth Avenue ‘every girls dream’ shop, with one of those prestigious blue boxes perfectly tied with a white ribbon bow!!

New York is exciting, a fast moving city all hustle and bustle.  People constantly walk at you all moving at high speed when all you want to do is dawdle, rubber necking at the tall buildings. Eventually, we gave up doing the polite thing by moving out the way and joined in the crowds.  The noise is incredible made worse by the thousands of excited tourists taking pictures, while the New Yorkers get more and more annoyed that you are blocking their path. Taxicabs’ beeping as if it is the end of the world and the homeless folk genuinely thinking it is the end of the world!

Approaching Fifth Avenue seeing the twinkling Christmas lights on the horizon, the object of my desire was insight. I truly felt they were calling me home as something inside triggered, compelling me to – get inside that store.

The experience was phenomenal, quickly becoming apparent that if you have money to spend it will not be long before you are receiving the best customer service experience in the world, with ‘yes madam’ and the complimentary champagne available in buckets.

Only a short while after browsing the ring department, unsurprisingly it was not long before I found the object of my desire.  I tried on the platinum, diamond-encrusted band and it did fit perfectly, and perhaps more surprising it was within budget (ish!).  I did want this to be my ring for life however; it needed H2B to make that final decision. I watched with pride as the gushingly over friendly shop assistant placed the band in its navy blue container lovingly wrapped in white tissue and finally an iconic Tiffany gift box. The whole package completed with a snow-white ribbon bow.

It was my ‘Tiffany’ moment, a sense of pride and achievement and was truly magical. (With hindsight that’s gushing) Walking out of the shop and onto the streets of New York, Central Park looming in the wintry background, it felt unnerving knowing I had such a valuable possession in such a noticeable gift bag.  Needless to say we headed straight back to the hotel to deposit it in the safe.

While sitting at gate 28 of JFK airport penning these thoughts I cannot help staring at my ‘ring’ finger. Not looking at an empty space where the ring is meant to be in 353 days, but actually looking at my engagement ring AND the wedding ring – yes, wearing both together!  I may have got one hell of a bargain at Tiffany’s but there is no way I am declaring my purchase and then stung for VAT. Therefore, for the next 10 hours I am a ‘married lady’!  Besides that, I need to check the ring fits properly…

“You’re awfully big boned to be a bride”

Penelope Goldstream is planning her biggest day of the year and asks: “Is this something you expect to hear when shopping for your wedding dress?”

I for one did not expect to hear this but it happened to me!  As mentioned before in previous articles, I don’t have a skinny frame but I’m not exactly obese either; I think ‘generously proportioned’ is a fair description.  I’m a genuine dress size 14 and stand 5’8″ tall therefore I have a reasonably proportionate body type and as I am comfortable with my body shape I didn’t anticipate any issues with how a wedding dresses would fit me.

I had only been engaged for a few months when I decided to embark on my wedding dress shopping.  Now, this is probably the most exciting and not to mention important part of the whole bridal experience so naturally I had high hopes and expectations.  Due to a friend’s recommendation, I chose the Donna Salado bridal shop in Abington, Northampton to have my very first bridal gown experience.  There is absolutely no doubt that the dresses in this shop were beautifully crafted but my issue is not about dress design, it’s concentrated on the horrendous customer service from the assistant working on this particular day.

The assistant in question was at least middle aged (and that’s being generous to her) and somewhat sour faced; she wasn’t quite the welcoming and friendly person I expected for a bridal shop.  She behaved as if I were a nuisance or wasting her day – perhaps there are an abundance of women who waste their days shopping for wedding dresses when they’re not even in a relationship?  Anyway, I pushed all of this aside thinking my expectations were too high and got on with things.

Now, for some unknown reason the assistant kept focusing on my body shape as she assisted me with the fastening of the wedding gown, commenting very loudly so the whole shop could hear “You’re awfully big boned to be a bride”.  What does this mean?  I’m I an ogre?  Do I not deserve to get married?  Of course this comment shocked me and I was all too aware she was being rude but being the typical English lady that I am, I was far too polite to say anything back.  I brushed the comment aside and assumed she’d had a bad day; her sour face certainly suggested that the last 30 years had all been ‘bad days’.

Over the next 30 minutes the sly comments kept coming at me but I think the final straw came when I was told that my dress would need to be ordered in at least a size 24!  Call me cynical but it hardly seems like a coincidence that in this particular shop you have to pay considerably more (in my case it would have been £800 more due to the ‘extra’ material) for the bigger sizes so it wouldn’t surprise me if they use this tactic on purpose.

I’m annoyed with myself that I stood in that changing room and listened to this horrible lady’s comments and I said absolutely nothing in response.  The barrage of abuse continued throughout the entire appointment and I did absolutely nothing.  The levels of abuse ranged from damn right rude and unacceptable to subtle digs about my hair colour or my skin tone.  In honesty by the end of the appointment I was left deflated and contemplating if I would ever find a dress that was appropriate for some as ‘horrendously big’ as myself.

It’s been 9 months since this experience and I am pleased to say that not only I have been to other bridal shops which have exceeded my expectations but I have found the perfect wedding dress and it looks beautiful.  After months of beating myself up I reached the conclusion that the assistant was clearly a miserable middle aged spinster who simply couldn’t deal with having to see a beautiful and young 20 something looking forward to a happy and positive future.

Jealously is so obviously a bitter pill to swallow!

Huff, Puff and I will look great!

Penelope Goldstream continues toward her goal for the perfect wedding whilst having to confront – reality!!

The ever continuing quest for ‘perfection’ has reached my body image.

I’m in my early twenties (twenty four and eight months if we’re being specific) and throughout my life I have always carried a bit of extra weight – okay, if I’m being honest in the past I have been described by medical marvels as ‘technically overweight’.  I’m not in any sort of denial behind my reasoning for currently being 9lbs over weight.  In a nutshell I eat far more than I burn off so the calories have to create a home somewhere and for some reason they quite like my derrière region!

I’ve tried most diets under the sun (haven’t we all) and yes, provided they are followed exactly then they do work well.  The trouble for me is I’m not one for being forced to do things and if I’m not allowed something it only makes me want it even more.  I had a “brainwave” and decided to eat whatever I wanted but in order to do so, I must workout in a gym environment at least five times a week to counter balance the effects.  I have been doing this for the last eighteen months and I do feel physically fit in addition to having a reasonably toned figure.

Its exactly one year until my wedding day and I’m concerned that I may not be making as much progress on ‘the perfect body’ as I would have hoped by now.  I really don’t want to be one of these brides that has a major panic attack two months before the wedding because the dress doesn’t fit and then has to crash diet.  I do also have a slight fear of people seeing the bingo wings jiggling away as I walk down the aisle but I won’t lose any sleep over that.

I’ve been discussing body image with my H2B and he made a couple of very logical points and as this doesn’t happen to him very often I think it’s only fair that I share these with you.
1.    We have been dating for eight years and he would have left me a long time ago if my weight was an issue for him.  Thankfully it’s not!  This sounds rather shallow but I can’t think of another way to explain it and it does make sense.
2.    He doesn’t want me to be miserable (and hungry) in the lead up to our wedding and he would much prefer our wedding photo’s to resemble me rather than some miserable shell with no soul and who will inevitably ‘let herself go’ after the wedding.  This sounds harsh but it is rather true – by my own admittance I am extremely likely to over indulge afterwards especially as we are having a six week honeymoon.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is, as women, we worry far too much about pointless things than men and indeed other people don’t even notice.  Who would notice a slight double chin?  Or a discrete wobble in the bingo wing area?  Surely it’s more important to be happy, healthy (ish) and enjoy the wedding day than starve for a month for an unachievable image that won’t last anyway?
I think I’d rather be plumpish and happy all year round than diet and admit defeat whilst having to deal with the “Hasn’t she let herself go since the wedding, or perhaps she’s pregnant” comments!

So with that in mind, here’s looking forward to the wedding menu containing the trio of desserts, lemon cheesecake being my particular favourite….

Invitation Wars

By Penelope Goldstream, getting down and dirty planning her wedding

Taking a cut-throat approach to ditching your family?

It’s now coming to that time of year for me where I need to make some ‘life changing decisions’; the sort of decisions that could potentially make forthcoming family celebrations pleasant or very uncomfortable for me.  The magnitude of this decision is such that it could mean family members either love me or loathe me…I’m talking about the need to devise my wedding guest list!

Its exactly 387 days until my wedding (this may sound like a long time for some but I’ve been engaged for 384 days, so for me my wedding date is fast approaching) but considering the month in which I’m marrying is December and having quite a few overseas guests, it is important that I have ‘some’ idea of who will be getting a ceremony invitation.

My H2B has very kindly allowed me to make the final decision with ‘our’ guest list!  In some respects I feel as if I have created some problems myself as I have chosen a venue with a seated capacity of 60; however if you find your ideal venue then you’ll do whatever it takes to make it work.

Not only do I have to worry about who I will or will not offend by inviting or not inviting; I also need to think about the type of invitation a guest will be receiving.  When it comes to weddings, I’m fully aware that some people would be more than happy with ‘just’ an evening invitation whereas others simply expect a full ceremony invitation or they believe they are not an important part of my life.  Eloping to a wonderfully hot country is becoming ever more appealing now!

“With this type of situation it is important to remember the reason why one gets married” – I hear this quote often but it’s difficult to differentiate when part of the wedding is sharing your happiness with your loved ones.  However I have devised a cut-throat approach which I intend to stick too; if I have not physically seen somebody (except people who reside in a different country) in the past 12 months they are automatically off the list.  Unfortunately if it means upsetting Great Aunt Mildred who I haven’t’ seen since I was 12 in favour for a best friend then c’est la vie.

Lets be honest about the situation, I’m undoubtedly going to upset somebody so I might as well go to town and invite whoever the heck I want too!

Here’s to the long search for perfect wedding…cheers!

Looking without Looking?

Penelope Goldstream has been writing regular features for idaventry.com describing her search for the “perfect wedding”. Join her here on a suprising discovery in the least expected venue. Despite the occasion marriage is clearly never far from her mind.

Finding the ideal in the most unexpected location?

We all strive to achieve that ‘movie moment’ at least once in our lifetime; you know the one I mean.  That moment where we hope to find something amazing without having to put any effort in.  I use the term ‘something’ quite loosely as more often than not, we don’t actually know what that amazing thing we are looking for is; but we do know that we want something amazing to happen!

I’ve been looking for our wedding singer/band for months now, trawling website after website and ordering CD after CD but to no avail.  After a last minute holiday to the must-visit-Island-to-those-under-30-AKA-Ibiza, I somehow stumbled (being the operative word) into a small Irish Bar and found exactly what I was looking for.

Standing in front of me was a dark haired, casually dressed, 20 something strumming away on a guitar.  Admittedly he wasn’t really being appreciated by the drunken mobs but he was holding his own and managed to keep the crowds entertained; in my opinion he is the perfect singer to handle a rowdy wedding mob.

I was in awe with his raw talent and willingness to please the crowd that I knew I had to ask him to sing for me (ahem, us) at my (our!) wedding.  I waiting patiently for the scantily clad and slightly drunken girls to prise themselves away from him before making my move.  After a brief conversation, I left with his details, much to the envy of others but for different reasons.  I bounced back to my seat feeling ever so slightly smug that I’d found the perfect wedding singer.  Who said that we had to find what we want in wedding magazine or websites only?  If I had stuck to this method then I certainly wouldn’t have found my singer, especially as he doesn’t specialise in weddings.

So, here I am now, returning from my holiday and writing my memoirs whilst sitting in a very uncomfortable plane seat with the most annoying passenger who deems singing aloud (and very badly that even the XFactor rejects would complain) is appropriate behaviour during a flight (If I wasn’t so happy I’d be facing 10 years right now).  Pondering the question ‘Can we find what we are looking for without looking for it?’

Getting Married – Home or Away?

By Penelope Goldstream, idaventry.com

One decision that could be a talking point for a life time?

Research suggested that the average UK wedding in 2008 cost a whopping £20,000.  Compare this to the average £6,000 cost of a wedding overseas and you may well find yourself in a predicament – to marry home or away?

Brits marrying in places such as Italy and Cyprus are becoming increasingly more popular – research indicating that enquiries this year are up on last year by 30%.   Of course to those where money is not an issue they need not worry, however to the other 95% where money is often the top of the agenda it certainly opens up a whole new debate.

The key issue involved with this decision is to understand what you and your H2B want.  Do you want to marry close to home with 200 guests or do you want to experience something a little different and perhaps more intimate?  Is now a perfect time to take a chance on the unknown and create a magical story to tell your grandchildren or is it simply an illusion that you need an exotic place to make a magical fairytale ending, if at all there is such a thing?

Marrying abroad is tempting especially with the attractive sunsets, moonlit dinners and beach strolls but you need to ensure it’s something you both want.  Will the guests you really want at your wedding be able to travel?  Equally, is staying close to home the perfect choice for you?  Do you want a really big wedding with old school friends?  Do you want to be in control of every last detail – remember marrying abroad eliminates some aspects of control.



You have to remember that your wedding is exactly that – YOURS!  Chances are that you have probably spent the last ten years saving for your big day and you shouldn’t let anybody (except your H2B) influence your decision.  I have seriously thought on a number of different occasions about marrying abroad; New York to be exact.  I’d love to get married there but for us and our situation it’s just not practical.  We have not been influenced by anybody to stay in the UK for our wedding, but the practicalities of getting family and friends to travel so far for us has been a sticking point.

There are pros and cons with most decisions in life, and this decision will not be any different. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that every decision will be plain sailing and argument free or you will certainly be setting yourself up for a fall.  Just enjoy yourself and remember to communicate with each other!

To be or not to be?

Do we all have the capability to become ‘Bridezillas’?

By Penelope Goldstream

Is it a woman’s genetic makeup that she will inevitably become unbearable whilst planning ‘her’ wedding?  I say ‘her’ loosely because there are two important people involved in a wedding.  It appears the first statement could possibly be true.  Speak to any B2B and she will categorically state that she will enjoy planning her wedding and will try her upmost not get stressed, regardless of the obstacles and issues faced.  To some extent and through personal experience I have to agree with this statement.

I got engaged in late 2008 and I, like many other B2B, got excited about the planning stages of the wedding.  I bought 4 bridal magazines within 12 hours of being engaged and within 24 hours I had chosen my colour scheme, although I have since changed my mind 7 times!  Eight months later and I feel slightly different about the whole wedding planning.  I’m not saying that I’m not enjoying being engaged but I do feel like I’m in limbo at the moment.

Firstly, let me explain my reasons for this feeling.  Me and my H2B decided to have a 2 year engagement which means we’re not due to get married until December 2010.  Don’t get me wrong, this is a good timescale for me and my H2B as it gives us the time to properly plan what we want, but most importantly, it gives us the time to save money.

The issue I’m faced with, if you can call it an issue, is this; we’ve already found and booked our venue and reception (fortunately for us it’s the same place!), I’ve already found my ‘perfect’ wedding dress, I’ve already devised my guest list and I know the song list off the back of my hand.  I know what centrepieces I want, I know what cake I’m having and I’ve already picked my favours.  My problem is I’ve nothing else that I can do at the moment.  It feels too early to book some things at the moment because the wedding is still 18 months away and I’m getting stressed because I feel like I can’t do anything – how bizarre is this?

I’m confused that I’m stressed because I’m too organised!  I didn’t think this was possible and now I’m concerned that I’m capable of becoming a full blown, out of my mind, crazy…Bridezilla.  This is one word that I hadn’t contemplated appearing whilst planning my wedding.  Can you imagine what I will be like if the cake isn’t white enough or the flowers are the wrong shade or red!  All I can say is watch out Mr Groom because I have the potential to be horrible! Is this something I’m going through alone or does every B2B suffer with this predicament?  I guess only time will tell.

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